Monday, February 27, 2012

I am excited that today's blog entry is from the lovely Kate Forman Ortiz - utterly wonderful friend and illustrator who lives in New York. If you enjoy her entry please leave a comment. 

Oh my God I look Cute!!
(This is not Maeve)
 http://www.flickr.com/photos/20738022@N00/432194779/

My good friend Asta asked me to write a little something about the challenge of living simply with a baby. My daughter, Maeve, is two months old now, and life with her has been a steep learning curve. Part of the lessons have been about stuff.

My Husband and Maeve and I live in a one-bedroom apartment in a Greek neighborhood in Queens, NYC. Our neighborhood is a convenient smorgasbord of good restaurants, grocery stores, small shops, churches and a library. Our apartment is cozy, and very pretty, and very, very, small.

So I felt justified, when my Mom threw me a baby shower, in not registering for a baby wipe warmer. Don’t get me wrong, I get the logic behind the machine, but the reality is: 1. We barely have room for our bed and our daughter’s bassinet in our room, 2. In despite of conscientiously avoiding buying loads of stuff for many years now, there is still a steady creep of plastic invading our lives and I didn’t want to add one more piece to the pile, and 3. Really? A wipe warmer? I know it’s early to regal my daughter with the ole “I walked barefoot in the snow up hill both ways to school” treatment, but apparatuses like wipe warmers make me understand where those generation gap speeches start.

My smug confidence waned a little in the weeks leading up to the shower, though, as friends and family checked out my registry and called me up to talk about the warmer. My good friends Mary and Kara were the first to call, then my Uncle’s Girlfriend, then two second cousins. “Really?” They asked, “You REALLY don’t think you need a wipe warmer?” It shook my confidence. Maybe I was already a terrible Mother. Maybe I was already projecting my own personality in a smothering fashion. Maybe my Daughter would be in therapy for years to come because her poor little tushy was subject to the chill of a cool baby wipe.

The end of the wipe warmer story is this: I stuck to my guns. My Daughter is wiped with room temperature wipes. So far we have made it to two months, and I’m hoping that she continues to survive the ordeal with the classy level of aplomb she’s displayed thus far.

I’d like to note that I am no anti-stuff saint. I like stuff too, there is plenty of stuff, baby and otherwise all over this apartment, and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is that the baby stuff industry seems to prey on new mammas and papa’s fears of inadequacy, and a never ending trail of largely redundant and unnecessary stuff is marketed to those vulnerabilities. Every parent will have to make their own decisions regarding what stuff they need, and what stuff they can reject – for me, practical space issues largely influenced my decision, as did environmental and ethical considerations.

My daughter wears gorgeous barely worn hand me downs from a good friend with a baby girl only a few months older: my friend’s generosity has allowed for a more baby sized carbon footprint in my daughter’s wardrobe, and has kept us from giving more money to companies that use sweatshops to make their baby products. As many sweatshops employ young children it feels good to do anything possible to avoid endorsing that particularly cruel irony.

Stuff rejection seems to have also opened us up to other, nicer possibilities. For example: my Daughter shares our bedroom, she does not have a separate nursery, she sleeps beside our bed in her little basinet, and her changing area is the top of our dresser. When I was pregnant many well-intentioned people asked about our nursery "theme,” and I felt similar wipe warmer rejection guilt pangs when I told them there was no nursery, and no theme. Their reactions ranged from pity to abject horror. However, my Daughter’s corner of our room is sweet, her bassinet is a never-used hand me down from a good friend, the hanging shelves for her clothes my Husband and I built together after a truly lovely time picking up supplies in the local hardware store, and on the wall next to her changing pad are works of art created by my friend’s two young children. If there’s a theme I think it might be: this was made for you, this space was waiting for you, and everyone who knows you is happier because you are here.

In a few months from now we’re moving, my husband is in the military and we are being re-stationed to a part of the country known for much bigger housing. I’m pretty sure, though, that the extra room will not influence our acquisition of baby stuff too greatly. This relationship we have with our stuff feels right, and our ability to differentiate between what we decide we need and want and what a corporation would like us to believe we need and want is something I’d like to continue – and hopefully pass on to our wonderful wee baby girl.

8 comments:

  1. What a delight to read about a thoughtful new mother who realizes her choices are bigger than the boundaries of her apartment. Too many have bought into the more is more way of parenting and it just isn't true. My second daughter lived in an open bottom dresser drawer for the two weeks until we found a suitable used crib. We never owned fancy strollers and preferred to carry our babies, much to the shock of our friends and baby pushing acquaintances. Never used baby wipes but rather wash clothes as I have been a hippie from way back with chemical sensitivities. I did not want chemicals on my children's delicate skin. They were warmed...with warm water. Simple is a state of mind as well as a stand against the onslaught of never ending new and improved which seeks to make you feel inadequate as a parent if you don't buy into it all. Please keep us posted on your simple choices as your daughter gets older and moves into the world of toys, toys and more toys!

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  2. It was a pleasure to read this article! I am learning to work with the 'less is more' approach to life and slowly going through each room to remove things that really are unnecessary.
    I'm finding it difficult, but am persevering as I really do want an uncluttered, unburdened life. Our lives are in tune with our homes, and too much clutter causes a disquieted spirit.
    My last baby (#11) was brought home form hospital and placed in her pram as I had nothing else for her! It was quite bizarre really, as I've had endless numbers of bassinettes, prams and other baby paraphernalia over the years. I had decluttered and left myself with nothing and for once, we had no extra funds to meet her needs. A kind friend lent me her bassinette, and I have just returned it to her, so another expectant mother can have a place to lay her newborn babe.
    One thing I struggle to remove from my home is children's clothing! I really struggle to part with good clothing with so many memories attached to them, lol!
    I use warm, wet flannels for washing bottoms too. :)

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  3. I loved reading this! I was blessed to put my babies in the same crib my parents had used for me (and my brother). My aunty used it for her two babies before it made its way to us. We painted an odd collection of drawers and my grandpa's old free standing wardrobe, all white to match the cot. And they looked amazing together. Lots of love waited my babies in their repurposed room of pre-loved furniture. And we too raised our little ones with room temperature baby wipes. Until I read this post, I didn't know there was such a thing as a warmer!
    We're all still smiling and I look back on those years with so much happiness. Nothing, nothing at all, could make that time any BETTER than it was. :)

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  4. A baby wipe warmer???
    Really.
    I have 11 children. They range from 24 yrs to 11 month old twins.
    Call me old fashioned but here in North Wales I use a top and tail bowl. Its lasted since the first baby. One end has clean warm water, the other water with a little baby soap. A flannel and a towel.
    Hey presto! A clean, dry and sweet smelling bum x2 in my case.
    Then a lovely re useable nappy (sorry diaper).
    I often get asked at how dreadful a carbon footprnt we must be leaving with ''heaven forbid' 11.
    It makes me cross.
    We are both teachers. We work hard. We are frugal.
    I hazard a guess our carbon footprint for 11 children, equates to that of two from a middle class family in central London!
    A baby wipe warmer.
    Another piece of plastic c**p.
    Believe me, by the time they reach five you will have enough to fill a landfill site!

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  5. A baby wipe warmer???
    Really.
    I have 11 children. They range from 24 yrs to 11 month old twins.
    Call me old fashioned but here in North Wales I use a top and tail bowl. Its lasted since the first baby. One end has clean warm water, the other water with a little baby soap. A flannel and a towel.
    Hey presto! A clean, dry and sweet smelling bum x2 in my case.
    Then a lovely re useable nappy (sorry diaper).
    I often get asked at how dreadful a carbon footprnt we must be leaving with ''heaven forbid' 11.
    It makes me cross.
    We are both teachers. We work hard. We are frugal.
    I hazard a guess our carbon footprint for 11 children, equates to that of two from a middle class family in central London!
    A baby wipe warmer.
    Another piece of plastic c**p.
    Believe me, by the time they reach five you will have enough to fill a landfill site!
    This message is from Fiona11 (not sure why it wouldn't publish the regular way) A x

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  6. I really enjoyed this post thank you, I'm a big fan of raising my children in a simple way too. I recently wrote about getting rid of toys at simplelivingchina.blogspot.com, it can be done!

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  7. Ailsa - Your blog is a favourite of ours (Ellen and me at www.facebook.com/thesimplylivingchallenge).
    So pleased you enjoyed Kate's post. She is a lovely person. Asta x

    ReplyDelete